Publicly curated version: To avoid exposing privacy, some names, chat details, accounts/paths/private details have been anonymized or omitted.

I’m doomed, it feels like I won’t make the submission deadline. Logically, it’s just a normal thing to not finish a jam game on time, but this is me! How can I be such a failure!!! Damn it, I’m getting dumber and dumber using AI. After making huge strides in other areas, am I completely useless at game development, which I’m most familiar with? I haven’t written code in ages… While writing code isn’t strictly necessary, simply using AI doesn’t give me the same level of control as writing it myself… And it’s not just code; I haven’t built scenes myself, haven’t found assets myself, I’m getting lazier and lazier…

I’ve explored enough, and I know I could explore even more, but then a phrase suddenly came to mind. I’ve forgotten the exact words, but I thought of something similar (I’m so abstract, haha). The first layer is ‘seeing mountains as mountains, and waters as waters.’ This is like my past self: once I decided to make games, I’d constantly figure out how to do it, follow a bunch of game dev tutorials, and all the Game Jams I participated in featured my own handcrafted works, diving headfirst into game development with sheer stubbornness.

The second layer is ‘seeing mountains not as mountains, and waters not as waters.’ To make better games, I explored and learned other technologies. Some I wasn’t very interested in but learned for game development, like music, art, or playing games. Others I found genuinely more engaging and incorporated into my plans, such as video AI, website servers, and community resources. During this period, I tried exploring many other things and gained a lot in those areas, but I also neglected the most fundamental part: making games… But then again, this was my own decision, the path I chose, and I still want to see it through. So, for me, this is still a mountain in my life.

So, logically, I should have reached the third layer by now. After realizing this, it’s ‘seeing mountains still as mountains, and waters still as waters.’ While these other things are indeed still present and represent important identities I need to maintain, I still need to insist on creating myself: building some scenes, finding some assets, drawing some assets, finding some music and sound effects, making some music and sound effects myself, learning more about design, and using AI to amplify and broaden my thinking. These other things can also serve as inspiration or partial easter eggs for my games, and at the same time,

they can also resonate in reality, creating an ARG-like feeling.

However, I allow myself to have multiple mountains, as doing these other things has indeed brought me many rewards, and I won’t give them up. But when it comes to the mountain of game development, I myself must reappear in the production process, and ideally, have a strong grasp and autonomous modification rights.

Yes, I hope I’ve had an epiphany. But for now, the most urgent thing is to quickly finish the GMTK jam. I haven’t even fully gone through it in the editor yet, but the AI is still running, so I can only wait… Alright, it seems there’s no time left, and the AI isn’t doing well either. What a painful failure… A lesson learned… I’m really not reconciled… Fine, maybe I’ll just submit it, even if it’s a mess… Oh, I’ve got an idea, I’ll just tweak the gameplay. A parkour game where you see how long you can survive under a pursuer…