Publicly edited version: To avoid revealing privacy, some names, chat details, account/path/private details have been anonymized or omitted.
Stayed up late, lost control and had a moment again. Then I got sucked into a novel until 3 AM. Woke up at 8<30> AM and kept reading until 2 PM. Only now have I opened my computer to start watching regret videos…
Looking back, I’d say my effective time over the past three days was only 50% or less. I didn’t even manage to go to bed early like I wanted. Seriously, I’m still so bad at this. Failure point 1 was editing dokidoki on the first day, then finding out I couldn’t publish it, which was a bit sad? The second day, I was completely controlled by desire, browsing stuff I shouldn’t have, reading novels, too lazy to make games, record videos, edit videos, or do homework. Golden moments during the holiday: The first day when I was editing dokidoki, and the second day when I was a bit overwhelmed but then figured out the settings and wrote them down. Darkest moments: The first day, after realizing dokidoki couldn’t be published, I went a bit crazy. The second day, when I crashed because I hadn’t slept well the night before, and the moments of falling into indulgence because I couldn’t control my desires, which have lasted until now. I even still want to watch/read.
It’s not that I don’t want to do things, I’m just overwhelmed by the feeling of being out of control. But I will definitely conquer it in the future 😡!
Bedtime Summary
————A day wasted, slowly spiraling downwards
What I accomplished
- Ran 5.5 km, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and showered. But I didn’t make games, didn’t learn anything new. The unfinished homework, I plan to catch up on tomorrow morning.
Where I fell short
- Read novels for 16 hours. After losing control in the early morning, I became addicted to reading novels. Although I asked GPT for some relief midway, it didn’t completely get rid of it. It wasn’t until after 10 PM, when I showered, that I finally decided to delete the novel app.
Remedial actions
- Posted emo messages on various platforms, while also encouraging others to supervise me. From my observation, I do respond well to that. Then I enabled ‘Digital Balance’ on my phone and set a password with my eyes closed. Although I still have some memory of it, I hope to forget it so that I can’t control my ‘Digital Balance’ myself. Of course, I still have a backup plan: it’s linked to my Huawei account, so I can unlock it if absolutely necessary.
Final thoughts
- It’s 11<20> PM now. I think I’ll show this to GPT, then go to sleep.
Some information may be outdated